TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
