im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
