I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
