Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
