he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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