Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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