Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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