apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Randomize
