Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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