the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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