so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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