i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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