I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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