WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
