i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
