yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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