im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We need to get me chipped asap
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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