pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
