first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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