you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize