Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
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I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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