Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
