you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
