this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
