i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
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Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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