id be glad to
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
