You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
