and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
