I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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