So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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