Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
