I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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