I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
