weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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