she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
