you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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