and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
