If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
