So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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