There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
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I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
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this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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