I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
