Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
two words: eviction party
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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