its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
