after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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