my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
