piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
