But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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