I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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