She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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