Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I need a beard to bite.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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