Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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