He had one of those small greek statue penises
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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