I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
