So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Bring me that man meat
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
