You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize