have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
