we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
