I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
