In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
