I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
