I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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