ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
