Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
