I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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