Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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